Milky Velociraptor Butt Plugs
How does one find the motivation to change? That’s not hypothetical, either. I’d really like to know. I think most people have deluded themselves into thinking they’re on some constant stream of emotional and physical evolution, like a Pokémon with infinite forms. The reality is that most of us are gaining weight, drinking ourselves into early graves, and dying inside from dead-end jobs. Oh, and we’re closer to death than we were the moment before. Who says I’m a pessimist?
My personal realization that I needed to change came in waves. I’ve put on a few pounds, I feel distanced from some of my closer friends, and I don’t write as much as I used to. So, I’ve decided to begin MVBP: The Mike Vasquez Betterment Project. “But, Mike, isn’t this just some hackneyed new year’s resolution bullshit?” No. Everyone who’s anyone should know that my resolution was “Get more paid, get more laid.” This is a project with four simple rules:
- Apologize to people I’ve been unfairly harsh to.
- Distance myself from people who have a negative effect on my well-being.
- Start hitting the gym regularly.
- Write up those ideas that are swimming around in my brain.
As always, my inspiration is Jason Statham.
I didn’t write this up just to be a smug son of a gun, oh no. You see, I don’t think there’s a more powerful motivator than the threat of public humiliation. Now, if I’m being a dick to someone (as is my default state), you can remind me of this post. Won’t that make you feel good? Humbling me? Unless I don’t like you, then I’ll continue telling you to fuck off.
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streetsalutation said:
Mike, it sounds like you need God in your life.
Where God = getting laid
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